The beginning. There's a word which puts me into a quandry. What exactly constitutes my beginning? Was it the moment I was forcefully pushed into this world from the warm confines of my mother's womb? Or was it when I became cognizant of myself as a seperate entity from others? As you can see, I never really know where to begin.
I suppose I can tell you that I was born on a warm summer day in Fayetteville, NC to a young mother and disturbed Army father. Due to their bad choices in life I was adopted by my grandparents in MD. I grew up, however, practically fatherless as my father (grandfather) died when I was eight,and my mother (grandmother) never remarried. I'm sure, though, that you didn't stop by to find out all of that about me, but as the title says, this is my life. It's not pretty, but it is real.
I guess the true beginning was when I started to become aware of myself and my own personality, which was somewhere around thirteen or fourteen, around the start of high school. I met my first girlfriend the third day of 9th grade, which set into motion a complete downward spiral for the rest of my life up until the present moment. She was pretty, funny, and all that stuff, but because of her family's economic status, she was an outcast. I of course took the brunt of the persecution, as I was the one who saw through and got a glimpse of the person she was. This initial persecution lasted the rest of my high school years. She and I broke up shortly after homecoming in my sophomore year due largely to the fact that, as a product of my upbringing, I was not comfortable with sexual acivity. She went on to become pregnant before graduation. I however, flew solo until my senior year. Even then the only girls that went out with me were only doing so to get to know my friend Chris who was immensely popular with almost every clique. That is until about a month before promwhen my best friend Leon and I met two sisters whom we both fell deeply for. I took the younger sister to the prom, only after having to read Moby Dick and giving a detailed report to her father. Thank God for Cliff notes. Well needless to say, that was another doomed relationship, as I was already enlisted in the US Navy prior to the beginning of my senior year. She broke up with me on the way home after prom.
Fast forward a year and I found myself stationed in Millington, TN, attending school to be an Aviaton Electronics Tech. Our class was made up of mostly single sailors and marines living on base in the barracks. There were, however, two married men included. I befriended one of them and was eventually spending a lot of my spare time at his apartment off-base. He and his wife were from Kennewick, Washington, and she was stunningly attractive. Several other people from our class would hang out there on a regular basis. One of these was Bill whom if it wasn't for him, I would never have been married. We drank heavily at ths apartment and played very risque games as Truth or Dare, and Strip Poker. I guess it was around this ime I started to become aware of my own sexuality, and what turns me on. One such night Bill shows up with a pretty, young blonde girl named Jenny. One group of us including my classmate's wife, whom was an object of my affection at the time, retired to the bedroom to play truth or dare, whilst the rest played strip poker in the living room. Well I guess Jenny must've lost first because soeone came into the bedroom to tell us se was naked. Of course we went out to see the spectacle, and sure enough, there she was, bent over the couch and posing for all us guys. I spent that night in the bed with my classmate's wife, platonically of course. I was awakened the next morning when several people, including a crying Jenny came into the bedroom. They all climbed in the bed with Jenny right next to me. was still covered and she climbed under the covers as well. She was in her bra and panties. The news was that Bill, her fiancee, had ended up drunk and slept with another girl at the party. As we all talked, Jenny and I were kind of messing around. When someone finally noticed, everyone left the room except for Jenny and I. My first sexual experience.
Three months later Jenny and I were married. Many more parties went on at that house and it wasn't uncommon to have to step over couples in the various stages of having sex just to navigate the living room. At any given moment there was usually someone having sex in every room, sometimes several couples at once.
I was eventually booted out of the Navy for having alcohol on board the ship. Jenny and I settled in Tennessee with her parents and conceived four children. Tiring of working in various dead end jobs I decided college was the best path and eventually graduated with a 3.98 GPA in Electronics Engineering, receiving my Associates degree. After several years of working in that industry, I grew tired of the corporate politics and decided to go to truck driving school. I got my CDL in 2001 and headed ot on the road. I drove for 3 years. Jenny and I seperated due to her 12 years of infidelity with 25 different men, and she never paid a ticket I had recieved, so my license was soon suspended. That same week, my boss decided he wanted out of the truckng business and sold the truck from under me. I had since met and was co-residing on the road with a gorgeous 18 yr old girl whom I thought was everythingI ever wanted. The boss gave her and I a bus ticket to where she was from, St. Joseph, MO. Upon arrival I was shocked to find that she was in touch with my best friend Rob who was still a trucker. She left me in a strange town with no money nor home, and went to be with him on the road. I was relinquished to the coziest spot under the local highway overpass that I could find. Eventually a bed opened in the local Salvation Army helter and I took up residence. I got a job as a foreman on a roofing crew for a local entrepeneur. Miss 18 yr old broke up wth Rob and came back, so I figured I owed it to myself to take her back, since I had spent nearly to months agonizing over the loss. She turned out to be pscizophrenic and would become violent when she episodes with the voices. Again we broke up when I finally managed a way back to MD.
Finally, I was able to get back on my feet when I got back here and moved in with my mother. I fell back on all my self-taught web/graphic design experience, and started my own business. I met a nice girl onlie and thought maybe things were looking up. We went out twice and she turned out to have such low self-esteem, that she had labeled herself un-loveable and put up a wall that noone would be able to break through. No big loss there. So along comes Dawn. I met her online as well, and she was awesome. We eventually moved i together, and it seemed as if she was willing to do anything of herself to keep me happy. This soon chaged when she went off the deep end one day and held a knife to her own throat. I, being the caring person I am, didn't give up on her. She stayed in a mental ward for a week and was back out with good meds that kept her stable. When she ran out of meds, however, she wa a handful, and even went as far as holding me at knifpoint several times. This all came to a head recently when she pulled a knife on my mother and I and then attempted to slit her wrists. I am now living back with mom and seeking a way to make some money online. I have a close circle of friends on a community site where spend most of my time, and they are the greatest. I thank them all for being there and being so supportive.
You will eventually learn more about what makes me tick in my future posts. Happy reading!!
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